Boys Are Sick

Boyd's dad gave us an old black bell on fathers day weekend.  Seth and Grant easily lifted the heavy iron bell into the trunk of our car.  We were at the house Boyd grew up in, his brother Blaine lives there now.  The bell used to stand right outside the back door of that house. The house is on a sleepy Michigan dirt road where the next house is a quarter mile away.  Blaine, Boyd and Brett would go swimming at that neighbors house and their mom, Maxine would ring the bell to call the Colbry boys' back home. Three boys, on a lonely country road with a barn made for jumping off the rafters from, a field perfect for shooting off rockets and fireworks, and a woods perfect for exploring and hunting in.  I bet summer vacation was eagerly anticipated by those 3 boys.  Summers are different now, camps, school commitments, and over scheduled lives. But  memories are timeless.  Boyd remembers his mom when he see's or hears that bell.  He loved having a cup of coffee with her in the morning, sitting in the kitchen taking as she canned peaches or tomatoes, made dinner, or even just sat with him watching the birds outside at the feeder and hummingbirds in the flower garden.  Listening, caring, loving. Richard and Maxine gave their 3 boys some good stuff growing up, stuff that turns boys into men, into fathers.

We have 4 fabulous boys, when they hear good music or taste good food, or glide down a hill on long boards or snowboards faster than any mom want's to see, they say "that's sick"....well, Okay then, our 4 boys are sick!  Now our girls are sick too, but I had a friend ask me to advocate for boys, because in the world of adoption, boys are left behind.  For some reason girls get picked more often.

We didn't plan on choosing boys, or girls when we chose to adopt.  We were matched with Lian as a baby.  When we decided to adopt again we were looking at kids with albinism, we found Jack...waiting.  When we decided to add another child with albinism, it was overwhelming the number of boys waiting.  How do you choose just one of them..... leaving so many behind? If you are seeking adoption and reading this wondering, boy or girl, don't wonder, take gender off the list of things to decide, give a boy a chance too.

Maxine's bell is now by our pool.  Boyd is in Budapest and we wanted to surprise him when he gets home.  Jack dug a hole 4 feet deep, Eli carried each landscape stone from the car to the back yard one at a time. We sunk the pole, laid the stones, cut the wood, and poured cement.  Max loved flowers, we planted a rose bush, a clematis and some little petunia's around the bell.  I could not have done it without them,  our strong sweaty boys. It will be a nice surprise for Boyd.  We wish Maxine could have known all of our kids, but I am not worried, Boyd will pass along all she taught him.  And her bell will call them home.

What Language is OK?

I am not a football fan, but the commercials are pretty entertaining.  I was not paying attention when our national anthem sung in many languages came on, I was brushing my teeth.  But our daughter was.  I paid attention to her.  She was glued to the TV, and smiling. She was proud, she was accepted, she was home.

The next morning I saw numerous post's on Facebook attacking this commercial.  I was stunned.

Does it matter what race our daughter is, what color she is, what religion, what sexual preferences she may have, or what language she speaks?  Does it matter what country she was born in?  Does it matter if her IQ is a certain number?

So what IQ is high enough, what color is OK, what religion is OK, what language, country, sex, sexual preference, political affiliation,  address, income, class standing, career, car...blah blah blah, is OK?

I can assure you, none of this matters to Boyd and I.  These things don't matter to us if you are our child, or our friend, or our neighbor.

Our son speaks another language.  Every week in school he has an assignment to write a paragraph about a specific virtue.  About integrity.  About forgiveness.  About kindness.  About caring. About grace.  About honesty.  About respect. About ambition.  About persistence.  About perseverance.  About generosity.  About compassion.  About humility.  About love.

Boyd and I can tell you loud and clear without any hesitation, our son has learned all these things, in another country, in another language, in an imperfect sometimes hostile environment.

These are the traits that measure a person to Boyd and I.  There are more, but you get the picture...well I think you do.  This list of virtues is what matters to us, these traits describe the kind of person we want to be.

It is hard for  Boyd and I to stand still, to listen to the hate, to quietly let other people get away with attacking human beings who are different from them.  Especially hard if our children feel less than when you do it. Boyd and I won't be quiet any longer.

Still Surprised

I am better at taking pictures than writing, for one thing they are a quicker way to document the event's and special people in our lives.  I look at the pictures and don't need any words, I can remember the feeling of being in the presence of the family or friends, or the excitement of the place or event.  It takes me back, and I smile. 

I have tried to keep up with our blog, it has been hard knowing what should be shared about our children's lives.  So generally we only choose the good, the happy, the funny.  Most of it is exactly that, with some drama here and there to keep us humble:)  We do have to admit surprise however.  We were ready for a huge challenge when we decided to adopt a teenage boy from China.  We brought him home18 months ago.  We were ready for grief.  We were ready for anger.  We were ready for attachment disorder.  We were ready for fear.  We were ready for sibling rivalry.  We were ready for chaos and confusion and challenges beyond our parenting skills.  We are still surprised when we think about it, because this young man has made a huge life changing event at such a young age look pretty darn easy.  He has a wisdom balanced with a sense of whimsical humor that draw's everyone in who meets him, you instantly like this kid!  We know it is not always this way when you adopt an older child, that is why we almost didn't take the risk.  We have had some heart wrenching talks about growing up in an orphanage and multiple foster homes that were not all picture perfect.  It  is no surprise it takes a lot more time to do homework with him, to explain things and listen.  But the important things, like kindness, grace, honesty, perseverance, integrity and self esteem are all there, he went through so much, and came out of it with all that.  We write this just in case someone unknown to us is reading and wondering what it might look like to take on an adventure like older child adoption.  It is one of the good stories.  It is the one we hoped and prayed for.   We knew the risks and did it anyway, we are still surprised.