Still Surprised

I am better at taking pictures than writing, for one thing they are a quicker way to document the event's and special people in our lives.  I look at the pictures and don't need any words, I can remember the feeling of being in the presence of the family or friends, or the excitement of the place or event.  It takes me back, and I smile. 

I have tried to keep up with our blog, it has been hard knowing what should be shared about our children's lives.  So generally we only choose the good, the happy, the funny.  Most of it is exactly that, with some drama here and there to keep us humble:)  We do have to admit surprise however.  We were ready for a huge challenge when we decided to adopt a teenage boy from China.  We brought him home18 months ago.  We were ready for grief.  We were ready for anger.  We were ready for attachment disorder.  We were ready for fear.  We were ready for sibling rivalry.  We were ready for chaos and confusion and challenges beyond our parenting skills.  We are still surprised when we think about it, because this young man has made a huge life changing event at such a young age look pretty darn easy.  He has a wisdom balanced with a sense of whimsical humor that draw's everyone in who meets him, you instantly like this kid!  We know it is not always this way when you adopt an older child, that is why we almost didn't take the risk.  We have had some heart wrenching talks about growing up in an orphanage and multiple foster homes that were not all picture perfect.  It  is no surprise it takes a lot more time to do homework with him, to explain things and listen.  But the important things, like kindness, grace, honesty, perseverance, integrity and self esteem are all there, he went through so much, and came out of it with all that.  We write this just in case someone unknown to us is reading and wondering what it might look like to take on an adventure like older child adoption.  It is one of the good stories.  It is the one we hoped and prayed for.   We knew the risks and did it anyway, we are still surprised.

Thanksgiving 2013

That was just last week, and now we are in Christmas mode.  We have made the blog private, everyone deserves privacy growing up, it is not always pretty:)  Eli was sensitive to having his picture and story out there, so we stopped posting so much, and made it private before posting more.  He has been home for 17 months now.  He adjusted beautifully, gracefully and seemingly effortlessly, it has been amazing to be a part of, we never dreamed it would be this smooth.  His English is great, he stumbles speaking Chinese it seems.  We think it is more because he is thinking in both languages as he tries to speak Chinese, he is trying to translate it all in his head.  Tonight he was in full Eli mode, talking non stop.  "4x7, what is it mom..28!, you lose"  In October he couldn't wait for snow, today "I hate this snow, it keeps punching me in the face"  "Aiden is a really good friend, I like all my friends at school"  "What's that black helmet dudes name?  Ill just call him black helmet dude" (darth vader) and on and on it goes!  Lian is in 7th grade, a beauty inside and out! She is playing the flute and the piano, Jack is playing on the drum line and clarinet. Eli is playing the clarinet, Grant plays the drums.  Boyd picks up the guitar and plays beautifully too.  They don't all play together, but the background sound of music of each of them playing is a joy every day!  (And even the neighbors get to hear Grant as he plays:) Jack loves band, his favorite teacher, his favorite class and his after school activity!  He study's non stop, rolls his eyes like a real teen and answers all questions with one syllable, LOL!  Seth is signed up for EMT class next semester, and working at Morning Star, a locally famous restaurant that has lines down the street in the summer time, Grant works there too.  Seth made dinner for the gang tonight (without any bloody fingers chopping it all up...he lost a few tips of fingers this summer:/) Grant skimmed by and passed his drivers test this weekend,  Boyd has to ride in the car for all road tests, I went with Hillary and knew I could not do that ever again!  It is too tough to keep my mouth shut!  Hillary will be home for winter break tomorrow, first semester of the real nursing school stuff behind her, she is going to be a great nurse!  We love that we can both help her when she call's, Boyd and I met in nursing school!  Well, not much time, my usual flight of idea's, hope you could follow;D

I Love you too

     6 months, it is amazing how easily Eli has adjusted into our family.  We have small issues, some we have expected as he continues to attach and learn about the flow of this family. Nothing that makes us crazy (well a little on the edge sometimes...).  He still will follow either Boyd or me around the house, talking constantly.  He interupts conversations, he talks louder than anyone else in the house.  Yea, sounds like a "normal" kid, and it is to some degree, but beleive us, it is notched up a level or two!

     Every once in a while, alway's after dinner, he will start talking about his life in China.  Tonight Boyd made a favorite meal of us all.  Death Row Chicken....because if it was time for your last meal, you would want this meal!  Eli loves it. He has stopped putting his bottom lip on the plate and shoveling the food in, but the Chinese "slurp" continues.  He likes it so much it reminds him of meals he loved in China.  Mommy number 1 made an egg and tomato "soup", "I lovea dis soup my mom #1 makes" and he tries to explain what is in it and how to make it.  That reminds him of a 20 year old sister who would have to make dinner for herself and Eli when "mom and dad gone and brother and sister at school".  "She cook SOOo bad, mom!! Her food NO GOOD!  Ha Ha Ha :D She makea rice, stir stir, we both eat it...she know it BAD too!"  And as I'm scraping bowls clean of the few bites left into the trash can, he is disturbed "Mom!  In China, you no throw food away!  You save for tomorrow, put in cold (refrigerator) for tomorrow lunch!" He goes on and on about this, even as I have saved everything anyone here would want to eat.

     He then talked about the choice to have a family in America.  His best friend said yes to the director.  Eli said "no 5 times".  But he was worried about being left behind in China, alone, without his best friend. When he says best friend he links his hands together tightly to show us how close they are.  He was told how good it would be to know English and Chinese.  So, with his friend saying yes, he decided he would go too.  

   I couldn't help but wonder...."Eli, are you happy you came to America".  He looks up smiling, "yes mom".  We told him we were happy he is here, "we love you so much Eli".  "I Love You Too"

@ 3 months

Eli has been home for 3 months now.  He is amazing with his ability to adapt to a new EVERYTHING.  He has not seemed to skip a beat, but of course we see more depth and personality the longer he is with us.  He is getting more relaxed as he can predict what each day holds.  His English is enough that we have conversations, he finds creative way's to get his point across or to understand.  For instance, he was asking about his grandparent's.  He was asking how many he has and trying to figure out who's mom is who's.  He then got to Great Great Grandparents.  We were pantomining that they were no longer with us...you know, dead....He nods his head..."OH!  GAME OVER!"

We have not made rice or noodles for day's at a time, and he is willing to try just about anything.  He hated pizza the first time, now he loves it.  He didn't like marinara or cheese on his noodles, now he eats 2 bowls at a sitting as big as his head! We offered him ice cream when the dinner food was depleated last night, and he was confused..."In China, no COLD 2 hours after supper.....tummy, OUCH!"  Thats what his China mom would tell him.  So I asked about his foster family.  "I no talka". So we left it at that.

He likes school alot, he knows nearly all the kids names in his class.  I go in to help him with reading, which does not thrill him (the reading or the fact that his mom is in his classroom!), but he is cooperative and making progress so fast. He is focused, attentive and socially appropriate.

We marvel and comment to each other daily how surprised and amazed we are at how smoothly this adoption has gone.  Our experience with adopting a 5 year old was so much more challenging. So worth it, but challenging. He is now 14 and quite an inspiration to us daily.  So we were prepared for so much more drama and temporary disfunction with this 12 year old,  But we were wrong, and we have been blessed with another perfect gift from God.

Pictures

Things continue to go well:)

 First day of school

 Eli's new glasses, he doens't like to wear them, he says they just help a little bit

 Rain at the Wheatland Music Festival

 Mic and Seth

 Hillary volunteered in the Henna Tatoo tent, Grant and Jack volunteered at Kid's hill

The Hunted

Seth is 19 years old. He's big, he's strong. He has what Boyd calls a "Bob Dylan Beard". His hair is a little ragged. He looks homeless to me. But his girlfriend likes his scruffy beard. I've heard it's the "in" look right now. When Seth enters the house laughing and screaming at the top of his voice YUN BAI in a melodic tone, the two youngest children start hiding. They actually run for their lives. Seth looks hungry. When he finds them...and he always finds them, Lian screams and screams the most high-pitched wonderful little terrified girl scream you can imagine. It would be frightening to hear if you were standing outside our house! They run again in two different directions, Eli in one direction, Lian in the other. They search for a safer place to hide. Eli is quick, but not as skilled at hiding from the hunter yet, He can't find a place so he's caught! Seth is closing in......so Eli quickly points to where Lian is hiding and announces her name...... Sacrificing his younger sister to stay alive.

He Cooks, He Cleans and He Repairs Broken Appliances!

Noodles continue to be the main dietary choice.  At least 2 meals a day. He has labled the cupboard where they are located in English and Chinese.  Eli has been close by in the cooking of his noodles every meal, instructing us on just how to make them.  He dictates what ingredients, how high to have the heat on, and how long to leave them cooking once you have added the eggs, meat, vegi's and greens. "5 mimints".  So today, I just stood aside, and clearly we have been over accomodating the kid, he is perfectly careful, skilled and capable in the kitchen.  He is also nearby when we enter the laundry room, he sorts clothing, loads and unloads washer's and dryers.  We don't expect him to, but he would feel rejected if we refused at this point. Thank-you "China Mama"and "China Baba", who knows how many, or which one, but someone has taught this young man!

Eli loves to go into the guts of our basement into corners that have been long packed away.  He will look at bins full of lego's, Rescue Hero's, and Castle peices in a heap all dismantled. "Baby's" he will exclaim!  Then he will gently tug on the bin, interested.  Every few day's he beckones us into the room,  and out he comes with a new bin.  "OK" we say, "Thank-you" he say's with more sincerity than a parent is used to.  Then he plays for hours with toy's most kids his age have left behind.  He comes up and down the stairs, grabbing screw drivers and replacing every dead battery in every Rescue Hero. Then he set's up each action hero into a fine display, ready for service. He is meticulous.  He will build one intricate Lego boat/car/helicopter contraption to Jack's 15.  Eli notices, but does not have the competitive nature of Jack, it doesn't phase him, he stay's focused on getting the one perfect Lego masterpeice. Today he found Lian's kitchen, first thing's first, replace the batteries!  Later today I'm sure a grocery store will be organized with a working restaurant.  I hope that means I don't have to cook dinner either;)

Now some pictures from our camping trip, which had a skate park nearby!

 Grant, our helpful 15 year old son has gotten a job at a local very cool restaurant!  We are so proud of him!

Jack practicing his drumming techniques while camping.

OK, a few fun quirkey things too-  He LOVES the cat's.  Last week he started hissing like a cat when it's mad or scared.  We took him to get a trim around the back of his neck.  He did not "lika" haircut.  He sat in the chair to be compiant and obediant, but hissed at the girl like a cat as she trimmed!  It was just too funny:D
Today as I was cleaning the bathroom's I was carrying my cleaning supplies in a little bin.  He scooped it up and ran away with it.  Into the garage he ran, with Hillary, Lian and I following.  He hid the cleaning supplies!  We searched around, Hillary finally finding them in the freezer.  As we entered the house, Eli shouts in an announcer like voice  "Hillary-1, Mommy- ZERO"